I've started this post out countless times and erased it, started again. Because it's kind of hard for me to say this. I don't want to offend. I don't want to say this and have you think I'm not grateful. I don't want you to think I don't love it here, when in reality I think it's pretty close to perfect for us. It's just admitting that a situation is hard and gives you a little anxiety is a hard thing for me to do. This gal likes to appear like she got it together at all times. And you are going, "Heh? Really? Cuz I gotta admit- your posts have been all over the board lately." Yeah, I know. It helps to be honest sometimes. Thanks for your understanding.
Sometimes I want to crawl under a rock. Really. There are so many people here. I'm not used to it. We lived on the opposite side of the country for 3 1/2 years and lived a much quieter life. Our social calendar was pretty much wide open. And we come here and are- for lack of a better term- overwhelmed or bombarded by people. They already know who we are. We don't know them. And it's so wonderful, but scary. I feel on edge at all times. I come home and it takes me a couple hours to relax and feel at ease. And I. Love. People. I thrive on being around people. So I don't get this. It's so unlike me. Don't get me wrong, if people didn't come up and welcome us and introduce themselves to us, I would be so lonely. I'm thankful that we are welcomed and accepted, no questions asked. We feel the love, without a doubt. More than once, I have begged my own eyes not to mist up. It's incredible to come into this situation and have people welcome us like this. This isn't what I expected to happen. Never did I think that so many people would be thoughtful enough to try to make us feel at ease. But still. It is so nerve wracking.
As I was chatting with people at a baby shower, my feelings were completely validated. I'm not alone in this. People have been through what I am going through and come out relatively unscathed. Even the ones who haven't still have a good understanding of what it must be like. I'll take the good with the bad. When it boils right down to it, we are blessed beyond my comprehension to have landed right here. Of all the places we could have gone, we were put here. For a reason. And while the anxiety will fade, hopefully the feeling of needing to be here never will.
5 comments:
It is my experience that with any new change (new job, new home, etc.), there is about a six month "learning curve." When I moved back from Arizona, I reminded myself of that daily, and it seems like that was the amount of time I needed. Shannon went through the same thing when she moved back. It just takes some time for *this* to become your new *familiar.* And it will. In the meantime, you can let yourself grieve. That, too, is perfectly normal. In my humble opinion. :)
your honesty, mindi, is so welcome and refreshing. take your time, girl!
and sometimes, you can stay home, just cuz.
i'm so happy for you(se) that the folks down there are welcoming you, but not surprised. :)
it is so hard for me to reach out, and i think its good to just jump in feet first. and then make your way to the shallow end to put your feet on the ground a bit before you swim out again. and then wow them all with your double flip back dive!!!
I like the honesty.
And it is okay to say no sometimes to social stuff.
A new house, a new baby, a new community, a built in crowd that knows you...any wonder you are overwhelmed?
oh, and when are you coming here?
:o) you KNOW I understand u way too well..........
Everything you said makes sense to me! It all seems perfectly reasonable. And, I love your honesty. Give yourself time to adjust.
I know it's a little different, but when I moved here, I was go-go-go all the time. Constantly running and hanging out with people and, although, I'm a people person and it was fun, it was too much for me. I wasn't used to all that kind of running. After a while, I finally started doing what made me happy and that was staying home a lot more. (I'm a homebody, by nature.)
It took some getting adjusted too. And, I had a lot of people thinking something was 'wrong' with me. But it's what made me happy, doing what I wanted to do.
It's hard sometimes, but you have to look out for yourself. So, take your time adjusting and everything will turn out fine. :) Do what you want, when you're ready. And, everyone will still be there with open arms when you are.
~ Jennifer
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