Mind over matter

It's amazing how a simple choice can affect your life.

When I was younger, I was actually so painfully shy that my mom held me back from Kindergarten. Growing up, I was always envious of the people who could chatter away to anyone and everyone. I wasn't just envious, I was in awe of them. They were the epitome of cool. I made a choice. I was not going to spend my life so hindered by my shyness. Slowly but surely, I came out of my shell. In high school, I was still intimated by the sheer number of people. At that point, I wasn't as shy as I once was, but shy enough. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to everybody and anybody, it was that I was afraid of not being accepted. So I stuck with the people who already knew me. I just didn't have it in me to start up conversations with people I didn't already know. Unless, of course, I had someone standing right by me to contribute to the conversation. It took me a long time to meet new people, obviously.

Fast forward a few years. (I'm married at this point.) I'm at evening church and they are serving coffee lunch. It was a pivotal moment in my life. Without the safety net of one of my closest friends, I walked over to a table and sat down by Margaret P and Debbie L. And it went okay. And that's when I realized- that's what people do. They just sit down and visit with whoever happens to be there. You can do that. You don't have to have your best friend by your side at all times. It's so obvious, but I really didn't understand it before then. I'd always ensured that I'd have someone there for me up until that point. 99 percent of the time, you'll be okay if you just put yourself out there.

Our move to New Mexico was like giving speed to that epiphany. And here I am in Michigan. Completely prepared to meet people. And that I did. And I'm so thankful that I have made myself become who I have become. Because if I hadn't, this would have been a really lonely experience. And I would have possibly missed out on a lot of amazing people. I have heard that because of the sheer number of people here, it is hard to meet people. I disagree. Then again, I had the benefit of blogging and running into longtime friends to make the transition easier. And I'm not the type that needs one close friend, but instead I just like to know a lot of people.

This past weekend a friend of mine made a casual comment about me being vocal about moving. And I realized that I have. And maybe it's unfair. Unfair because I'm coming off of a trip to MN, a family wedding at that. Of course I'm going to miss my family. Of course. Here I sit almost a month later and I've realized something. I've talked this over with my sisters, my mom, my friends, myself, my husband, the walls, anything that will listen. Because that's how I roll. And while I talk it out and time passes, the feelings subside a bit. And I'm left with annoyance. At myself. I, mean, seriously. Why beat a dead horse? People know. I do want to live closer to my family, sure. But it's pretty incredible that we were plopped down right here. And I should enjoy it for what it is. I need to enjoy this time with the renewed friendships and the newly found friends instead of tainting it with the fact that we might move. Which I think I did in New Mexico, too. Sometimes being outgoing is a curse, too. Not just the "epitome of cool" as I once thought.

That, my new and old friends, is what I'm going to do. Along with splashing my house with personality, I'm going to enjoy my time here. Whether it is 20 minutes or 20 years. Because that's how I'm going to roll.

*There is an untrue rumor going around that we are moving. It's a weird mixture of funny and pathetic. I guess it just goes to show how quickly something gets twisted. Just to clarify: untrue.