One way to solidify your coolness.

Zztop and I have been heading out to a state park in the area and running the trails together.  (No, I cannot keep up with him.  He's a machine.  He kindly runs at my pace.  When I have had enough, he runs another loop and I pull out my trusty mountain bike, The Hardly.)

And that's how I solidified my coolness this past weekend.  I hate to tell you the story, because I'm sure there will be so many copycats, trying to match my awesomeness.  However, it's worth the risk.  And, I'll always be the original.

There were volunteers from some mountain biking group fixing a section of the loop that I usually take. And we had run the other loop, so I had no idea what was in store for me.  The section that the volunteers were working on was soft.  Really soft.  Picture a garden that is all tilled up, dry soil.  It was really hard to pedal in.  Worse than sand, even.

And I was barely chugging along when a couple of the volunteers asked me if I wanted to be the very first person to bike the new part of the trail.  I hesitated a little.  And they chided me, "Oh, come on! How many times do you get to be first person on a trail?"

Oh, yeah.  This was going to be epic.  And it was.  Just not in the way I imagined.  I took off like a shot, in a snail sort of way.  Everyone starts cheering.  Seriously.  Cheering.  As if.  And then comes the corner.  It was a sharp turn to the right and immediately there is an incline.  I'm cool.  I clearly didn't know how to take the corner in such soft dirt, because the next thing I know- I'm elbow deep in the dirt.  Epic.  I stood up quickly, hoping that maybe they didn't notice? Although, judging by the fact that nobody is cheering any longer, I kind of feel like they saw it. I wouldn't know, because I refuse to make eye contact with anyone.  I'm cool.  And that's when I see the hill.  And realize that there is no way I can start pedaling and make it up the hill from where I am, in dirt this soft.
(People want to be like me.  I just know it.) So, I strut up the hill, pushing The Hardly.

When I'm safely out of anyone's line of vision, I stop to inspect myself.  My left leg was bloody from knee to ankle.  Apparently, pride hurts worse than a physical injury.  As I was cleaning the blood on my leg, Zztop comes running up.  He was the first jogger on the new part of the trail.  And he overheard the volunteers talking about the chick that took a major biff.  Seriously.  I'm so cool that people talk about me after I leave.  You wish you were me.